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So, here it is. My first blog post. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to accomplish yet, or fully what my “end goal” would be, but one thing’s for sure. I’ve had a lot of things happen in my almost 35 years, and if my life experiences can help someone else, or make you feel not as alone, or give you hope. Then here’s to expanding my introverted ways and laying it all on the line.

Since this is the beginning – the cliff notes, I’m going to do a bit of a short intro and then on later posts I can delve deeper into the twisted mind of a single mommy. Here it goes:

I’m an only child, born and raised in a small town, who was more jock than geek, but more geek than not, but more introvert than extrovert and I just didn’t fit in. Eventually, “Mean Girls” took over what used to be the people I had grown up with and thought were my friends, so I did what was called “school of choice”, and transferred to the next school over. I made a couple friends there, finished my last two years of high school, and then went off to college to start fresh.

I went to a private school on a pole vaulting scholarship (pole jokes welcomed, I’ve heard or said them all), but got injured during the first semester. Even 16 years later, I still have residual issues that require constant doctors appointments, and I have never regained full function of my right arm. I’ve had my whole shoulder rebuilt (I’ll touch on that at a later time), and even as of just this week, had to get the nerve endings burned off in my neck, again, due to continuous pain. But don’t ask me to take prescribed pain meds. I hate them. If Alieve can’t fix it, give me a permanent solution, not a patch job.

After my freshman year of college, I moved south for the summer, spending two months living in Texas, where I met what would be my first ex-husband. Long story short, the warning bells that were going off, I should have listened to more. Ladies, you’re worth more than being beaten because you weren’t “submissive” or because he was mad. You’re worth more than being cheated on, degraded, and verbally and physically abused. Two years after getting married, I was living alone in Texas as a divorcee, and working and going to school full time.

I managed to get my degree – BSBA – in Accounting, then decided to get my MBA in Accounting, all while working full time in Texas. Let me tell you, it was hot, crowded, and there weren’t a lot of trees. I asked for a transfer and got sent up to Kentucky. This was two years after my divorce was finalized. I met what would be my now second ex-husband and we lived in Kentucky for seven years: ups, downs, good and bad, and welcomed our daughter together. Unfortunately, with as good a person he was to the core, disease got the best of him, and I refused to let our daughter be around when he was under the influence of alcohol or his prescription pain pills. The Opioid Epidemic is real people. He refused to get help, I refused to let our daughter be exposed to it, so I filed for divorce, he signed off on his rights, and we moved back home to where I was born and raised, so I had family around that could help me as a single mom.

We have been back in my home state for just over two years, and my daughter continues to grow and amaze me every day, though the “threenager” stage is very, very real, and very, very frightening. She has had opportunities that she never would have had before if I never put my foot down and took the scary path instead of the one we were on and said “ok, I’ll just wear blinders and pretend”. Pretending wasn’t going to keep her safe, and it wasn’t going to change him. Sometimes, the right choice is the scariest of all, but you can do it.

In the years since I’ve graduated high school, I’ve had life altering injuries, surgeries from my eyes to my toes (seriously, I was 22 and had cataract surgery…), I’ve moved across the country twice, been married and divorced twice, been diagnosed with hormone issues, thyroid issues, autoimmune issues, had a high risk pregnancy that gave me the best gift in the world, while also making my body struggle more than ever, I’ve watched my ex-husband deteriorate and had to take my two year old to her daddy’s funeral, and I’ve been reminded what true friends are, and how strong family is, even when they piss you the fuck off.

I’m human, I make mistakes, but I’m also very strong willed, honest and will do anything for my friends and family. I tend to be very blunt, and my level of empathy or sympathy is nil sometimes. (Ever watch “Major Payne”? – – – “IF you want SYMPATHY, look in the dictionary between SHIT and SYPHILIS!”). It may sound rash and you may wonder about my child, but let me tell you, she has so much love around her, she will never wonder or question it, especially from me. My lack of sympathy or empathy is never towards her, but mostly other adults in the world. I am my daughters biggest supporter, biggest fan, fiercest protector, and the building blocks she will use to help shape the person she will become. And I promise you, she is going to grow up to be one tough ass mofo who will rule the world one day.

Here’s to more fun adventures and lack of filter to come. Cheers everyone!

~L

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You know those weekends where you have all these grand ideas of things you want to accomplish in those short two days you’re not working? Yeah, I had those. Then, not only do I have a kiddo, but I’m a single mama, and home owner. There’s ALWAYS something to do and I swear, every time I think about starting one project, I see something else, go “Oh, I can get that out of the way real quick”, forget about the first thing I went to do, start on the second, and the cycle continuously repeats itself. I feel a lot like Hei Hei. No joke. I love my shirt, by the way. It gives people ample warning before they even talk to me. 

I’ve been thinking of all the things I need to do, especially to try and get my business moving forward. It’s been overwhelming and under-productive, just like my ideas of getting things done on the weekend. Do you ever feel like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew? Swear I do almost every day. Not gonna lie, sometimes, I’ll get so overwhelmed that I just sit down and take a break and read a book. Not as productive as I should be, but at least it helps calm my mind down. 

I’m a big proponent of shirts that give you fair warning. I love my Hei Hei shirt. I also just ordered a shirt that says “I’m a lady with the vocabulary of a well educated sailor” and also one that says “Apparently I have an attitude”. Both great. My kiddo, however, seems to always get the best shirts. Why don’t they feel the need to put snarky shirts in adult size? It’s like the world thinks we’re either too mature to want something like that, or it’s inappropriate. Whatever. I’m not trying to be offensive, I’m trying to give you fair warning that I will probably get distracted by a squirrel!

Back to Hei Hei and our everlasting bond. I’m getting new windows put in soon. However, I have to get this shelving unit that was put up above my windows down before hand…along with take the mini blinds down, too (right before the install). Also, I need to get the wallpaper down in my room after I get the shelf down, but I also need to rearrange my garage and redo the bench there so I can fit my toolbox against the wall so it’s not taking up one bay of my garage (2 care garage, only 1 car). But seriously, I start one thing, go to get a tool out of the garage, realize what I need to do there, start working on that, only to go “OH SHIT!!” and run back to finish the stupid shelf in the bedroom. Ya know what else doesn’t help? A toddler. I love her. Oh man do I love my kid, but seriously, I went through her toys the other day to get rid of things and clean up. She thought it was like Christmas again! “OH LOOK, MAMA!!” Yeah, you’ve had that and haven’t played with it baby. Put it back in the other pile…..SOOOO then my pitch pile, turns into my living room floor, and ALL THE TOYS are everywhere…it took turning into a ninja so she didn’t see me get rid of something that she hadn’t played with in over a year, but suddenly had a true connection with again for all of 5 minutes. The help of a toddler…it’s a curious thing.

I am overwhelmed, and sometimes just frustrated. But seriously, if you’re like me and have this whole Hei Hei thing down-pat, don’t get too frustrated at how off kilter things can go. Try and go with the flow. Sometimes you end up getting other things done, or realizing that things aren’t as important as you made them out to be. Enjoy life! Enjoy the ridiculously unhelpful help of the little ones.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go look out the window for a few minutes since my current office doesn’t have any windows and I need to fulfill my need to stare meaninglessly outside for a few! Peace out!

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